I read an article in Spinner magazine written by Rosie Thomas and it brought me to tears. Here is a piece of it,
I felt small and insignificant and embarrassed. “I was so brave once,” I thought, and now I was so afraid. It’s hard to describe to someone what anxiety feels like: I felt like I was invisible and the world around me looked so normal and I just couldn’t find my place in it anymore. Nothing made me feel better — escaping my body would have been my only relief — so all I could do was endure it.
There are times in life when we can’t get around what we are going through, when there aren’t any side roads or backdoor exits or short cuts, and all we can do is get through it. I think of fishermen on a boat when the storm is coming — it’s too late to turn back, so all they can do is hope for the best, tie everything down and pray that they endure.
My anxiety was with me all day long. I would wake up with fear and panic in the early morning and it just never went away.
You can read the whole thing here.
I have felt this way.
I feel this way right now. It has been such a strange few years. I just sort of lost myself in this dark isolated place within my own mind. And if I had a nickel for every time I’ve thought, “I was so brave once”… it is almost as if it has become the motto to my self-berating for not being “so brave” right now. I think often we forget how much health can affect us and how, at the end of the day, we must find value in our intrinsic worth, which is not and cannot be tied up with anything we do or anything outside of just exactly who we are…
So, thank you Rosie for sharing this with us and for being so brave in doing so. And for coming back to all of us fans. You are enough, even if you don’t sing again. You’ve touched my life for so many years–I’ve felt so connected to your music, the lyrics. Your voice has soothed me in so many dark hours and celebrated with me in so many happy, sunny ones. Thank you. Really, thank you.