Posts Tagged ‘random’
My name dances pulsing cadence in your words wake me from an inescapable nightmare and I swallow the whole universe with my morning stretch. You shine down on me beams of light brighter than Helios, and seer away the chill of night. I pull your rays around me unwilling to abandon this bed of warmth.
You, my sun.
Hours shift you anxious urging me ablaze into my day. Reluctant I lumber down the hall beckoning you like moths. Story the whole of everything grooved permanent in my hands, read me like a favorite book again and again. And watch spellbound my departure culling your return.
Open wide the window and summon sweet the chickadee’s song drift us intoxicated. Swoop in the crow to eat you whole and darkness rains upon me once again. The night terrorizes me silent frozen statue I will not move forgotten. Petrified dreams bronzed curls rise above my head spiraling crown and mimic you.
You, my sun.
I am not good sharing my thoughts with others, not in a deeper sense. I tread lightly in this world as I know we have all suffered too much and I wish to cause no more, for others, for myself. I have spent far too much time staring at the past recently. It is not like me. I have never been a past dweller. I have always focused forward with hope filled eyes.
Have you ever stopped everything and just sat down refusing to move completely disregarding the inertia of things and people around you urging you desperately to move in some direction? I have done this in my life, in every single way, recently. I am all but holding my breath to not move in the slightest way just to avoid doing the wrong thing. I am paralyzed by a lack of will to move on, even if it is all that I am supposed to do, some act of willful defiance within refuses to allow me to budge. I spent far too much time picking my every emotional wound trying to goad myself onto a new path and I find my fingernails littered with bloodied thoughts of useless futility. I shall not move on, not today.
I’ve cried so many tears my eyes have evaporated and I no longer see who I am anymore. I can but make out a vague recollection of pieces of who I once was and I disappear into this unmovable version of me and grow thick an alabaster column cementing me to a statue of a memory.
If I were consistent, I would update this site each day and regale you with colorful thoughts that cross my mind. I would place my political beliefs in the display at the window in my mind. I would bring you to tears with sorrows we’ve all been felt too deep to explain. I would make you laugh out loud so your colleagues think you are mad. I would share with you whimsical photographs of books I’ve long since read.
If I were consistent, I would delight you with my melancholy poetry or write you a story to help you escape the doldrums of your todays. I would whisk you into my everyday imaginations, creative adventures. I would photo-journal my expressive birthday gift adventures, my valentine’s day crafted love notes. I would fill your ears with the musical compilations that help me relax or sleep or cry or smile or feel connected to the human race again.
If I were consistent, I would ramble on and on and on about the healthcare reform or the caucasians in the United States becoming the minorities or the Irish mobsters hanging about in my family tree. I would scan in the pictures of birds or snap a few of the hummingbabies that visit me all day, every day. I would write elaborate, in-depth reviews of the books I devour. I would tell you how much I love my new Nook, I would tell you I got one for Valentine’s Day and I would tell you just how lovely a gift that was for that holiday, how fitting it was for me.
I would roll the vernacular dice and win your devotion, inviting you to visit 21 times a day just to see if I updated my silly blog, if I were consistent.