What I cannot love, I overlook. Is that real friendship?
– Anais Nin
I am so involved, engaged in the things and people I love or feel passionate about. I often do let the in-between fade into the background. I am one to neglect that which is not pressing, that which is not invoking in me something. I guess this is both a positive and a negative trait but it is a reality for me. Its not to say I do not get my dishes done and I certainly do not love them but they do annoy me when they stack up. They still provoke a reaction within me. Do I expect too much of those around me? Do I expect them to always be on their ‘A’ game? It is something I will think more about. I know I often go hot or cold. If you do not respond immediately, I lose interest. Why?
I often do not have the time or inclination to respond immediately. Why then do I expect others to? Hrm…food for thought. I am often unforgiving in little ways like this without even realizing it. Albeit, I am also very forgiving in some very real, substantial ways. I guess we are all a little give, a little take. And my flaw is impatience or indifference if you do not invoke in me interest. Luckily, I am fairly easily engaged in thoughts, ideas, conversations and thus I redeem myself with concerted, interested exchanges. But even that has it downfalls as when I am flittering about looking at something new, investigating, reading, writing, whatever… I let the conversation fall flat and do not come back to it till I have the time and inclination.
I believe you should be in the moment, present. Engaged. Involved. Interested. And this is both good and bad. It is important to having people feel heard, understood, cared about. However, it is also a double-edged sword, isn’t it? If I am present, engaged and involved–simply not with you, then ‘our’ interaction feels flat. Yes? But would anyone have me any other way? It is part of my charm and part of my annoying traits…isn’t it?
These questions are rhetorical, of course. I am simply doing some personal inventory through writing. I still like me. And you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. And you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. And you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. And you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. In order to give my full attention I must take it away from all other things and thus it is a high likelihood you will experience draught. Don’t give up on me…I will return.