Archive for the ‘Self-improvement’ Category

Thanks, Rosie!

Thursday, April 25th, 2013

rosie-thomas-456

I read an article in Spinner magazine written by Rosie Thomas and it brought me to tears. Here is a piece of it,

I felt small and insignificant and embarrassed. “I was so brave once,” I thought, and now I was so afraid. It’s hard to describe to someone what anxiety feels like: I felt like I was invisible and the world around me looked so normal and I just couldn’t find my place in it anymore. Nothing made me feel better — escaping my body would have been my only relief — so all I could do was endure it.

There are times in life when we can’t get around what we are going through, when there aren’t any side roads or backdoor exits or short cuts, and all we can do is get through it. I think of fishermen on a boat when the storm is coming — it’s too late to turn back, so all they can do is hope for the best, tie everything down and pray that they endure.

My anxiety was with me all day long. I would wake up with fear and panic in the early morning and it just never went away.

You can read the whole thing here.

I have felt this way.

I feel this way right now. It has been such a strange few years. I just sort of lost myself in this dark isolated place within my own mind. And if I had a nickel for every time I’ve thought, “I was so brave once”… it is almost as if it has become the motto to my self-berating for not being “so brave” right now. I think often we forget how much health can affect us and how, at the end of the day, we must find value in our intrinsic worth, which is not and cannot be tied up with anything we do or anything outside of just exactly who we are…

So, thank you Rosie for sharing this with us and for being so brave in doing so. And for coming back to all of us fans. You are enough, even if you don’t sing again. You’ve touched my life for so many years–I’ve felt so connected to your music, the lyrics. Your voice has soothed me in so many dark hours and celebrated with me in so many happy, sunny ones. Thank you. Really, thank you.

Month of Growth (take 2)

Monday, March 7th, 2011

 

In October of 2010, some 5 months ago, I started to make the commitment to myself for a month—and failed. =/ Oops. Well, no reason to beat myself up over it. I will just begin again…on the day before International Women’s Day…

On my to-do-list, I expressed my desire to do a few things every day for 30 days in attempts to start some feel-good habits. I want to journal, to meditate and to take a photo every day for 30 days straight. I also want to take vitamins everyday as well. So I will throw that in. I will share with you my progress as I attempt this again.
(more…)

No More Regrets, Just Dreams

Friday, January 7th, 2011

I have spent far too much time in the past few years going over and over and over all the things I’ve done wrong. Combing through the skeletons in my closet and beating myself with them. I have scoured my innermost thoughts so harshly I am raw within. It is time to move forward. I see I am not perfect. I know I have hurt people unintentionally. I know I have made poor choices I am not proud of but now it is time to take a mental photograph and leave this guilt behind. I will add these memories, these experiences to a much larger, much greater sum total of memories and experiences and see myself just a little bit more colorful because of them. We are a collection of thoughts, moments, people, experiences. And I am learning to be ok with who I am.

So the theme for 2011… no more regrets, just dreams. This goes right along with my pledge to be a little bit nicer this year, to myself and others. My motto will be a quote from Sara Teasdale,

I make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes.

Postcard #2 (Nice Journey)

Saturday, August 7th, 2010

I owe an apology to someone I care a lot about. I am often so inside my own head I do not realize how my retreat within, my withdrawal from the everyday affects others. I recently avoided someone when they needed me, not because they needed me and not really on purpose but more because I was in my own head and trying to avoid the world. No matter my reason, I hurt someone. So, what better time than NOW to send a postcard with a simple apology and words expressing how important this person is to me? That is what I did this morning. Good Morning.

For the record, I am sorry. And love is fade resistant, no matter how far I go, no matter how long I am silent.

Our deepest fear…

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles,” 1992 (commonly misattributed to Nelson Mandela, 1994 inauguration speech)

It is exactly in this spot that I struggle along with my fellow travelers in the journey of ours. I want to learn to love myself like I so easily love others. I want to help others love themselves as easily as they love me, easier even. If I wish to find a genuine reflection of self-love in the looking glass each day I must find myself worthy of it. I must be something, some one I can look in the eye with respect, with gratitude, with kindness. There are two sides of this and I intend on working on both. It is a balancing act, self-love, but I have my tights on and I am ready to walk the walk…no matter how narrow or windy the road, no matter the obstacles before me. It will be an adventure and I am so ready for one!

I Am Mine by Brooke Waggoner
Beautiful Flower by Indie Arie
Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

Passion

Sunday, May 30th, 2010

Passion burns down every branch of exhaustion;
Passion’s the Supreme Elixir and renews all things;
No one can grow exhausted when passion is born!
Don’t sigh heavily, your brow bleak with boredom;
Look for passion, passion, passion, passion!

– Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

Passion is important in life. In relationships with others and yourself, passion keeps things moving, keeps things interesting and oft times is the catalyst for positive change. How can we revive passion when it feels like an act of futility? I am not referring to romantic passion, I am referring to having a passion about the choices, the ideas, the activities, the people in our lives. I am talking about enjoying our lives for whatever they are, wherever we are, whatever we are doing.

How can we remind ourselves that life is finite and every minute is worth enjoying, savoring? I know it sounds hokey but really, what are you doing right now (besides reading this post)? It is not what you do as much as why you do it… and how you do it. If it is watching TV or reading this post, are you enjoying yourself? Is this what you want to be doing? Are you actively engaged in the present moment no matter what it is you choose to be doing?

For example, we all must work to pay the bills or most of us anyways, right? Well, most people do not ‘love’ their work but they do it anyways. Why shouldn’t we love what we do? Why shouldn’t we be in the moment, present, active and enjoying what we are doing? We have all seen trashmen who are singing whilst doing some of the dirtiest work. We have also seen movie stars or famous singers wallowing in their misery, loathing every minute of the job that was once a favorite hobby. It is all in perception, really. It is not about being inspired to be passionate by some one or some thing else. It is not about finding everything rosy and wonderful. It is about being present and bringing passion to everything you do. It is about being the change you want to see in the world.

Does this mean everything is wonderful and you should pretend as such? No! Passion does not claim any one emotion, it does not disqualify or negate any either. If you are hurting, allow yourself to do so. Do not deny yourself the right to feel whatever you are feeling. Do not be harsh on yourself for your feelings. Respect them! Passionately love yourself! Give yourself the right to feel or experience whatever is real. This is what I need to practice.

Today, I will try to be passionate about whatever I choose to do. I will try to be forgiving with myself. I will try to respect my emotions and others without losing myself.

I would love feedback on this topic. How do you think we can reintroduce passion back into our day to day lives?

Every little girl needs to watch this…

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

This is worth watching EVERY day. I love it… this girl has it right…

CLICK HERE

Friday, March 26th, 2010

What I cannot love, I overlook. Is that real friendship?
– Anais Nin

I am so involved, engaged in the things and people I love or feel passionate about. I often do let the in-between fade into the background. I am one to neglect that which is not pressing, that which is not invoking in me something. I guess this is both a positive and a negative trait but it is a reality for me. Its not to say I do not get my dishes done and I certainly do not love them but they do annoy me when they stack up. They still provoke a reaction within me. Do I expect too much of those around me? Do I expect them to always be on their ‘A’ game? It is something I will think more about. I know I often go hot or cold. If you do not respond immediately, I lose interest. Why?

I often do not have the time or inclination to respond immediately. Why then do I expect others to? Hrm…food for thought. I am often unforgiving in little ways like this without even realizing it. Albeit, I am also very forgiving in some very real, substantial ways. I guess we are all a little give, a little take. And my flaw is impatience or indifference if you do not invoke in me interest. Luckily, I am fairly easily engaged in thoughts, ideas, conversations and thus I redeem myself with concerted, interested exchanges. But even that has it downfalls as when I am flittering about looking at something new, investigating, reading, writing, whatever… I let the conversation fall flat and do not come back to it till I have the time and inclination.

I believe you should be in the moment, present. Engaged. Involved. Interested. And this is both good and bad. It is important to having people feel heard, understood, cared about. However, it is also a double-edged sword, isn’t it? If I am present, engaged and involved–simply not with you, then ‘our’ interaction feels flat. Yes? But would anyone have me any other way? It is part of my charm and part of my annoying traits…isn’t it?

These questions are rhetorical, of course. I am simply doing some personal inventory through writing. I still like me. And you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. And you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. And you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. And you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. In order to give my full attention I must take it away from all other things and thus it is a high likelihood you will experience draught. Don’t give up on me…I will return.

Journaling

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

I used to journal every day, several times a day but this past year or so I have all but stopped completely. I rarely, if ever, journal anymore and when I do it becomes more of a check list, a to do list, a things I need to get list. How sad. I have decided I will get back to journaling. I want to pick up a pen and physically write out my thoughts, as disjointed as they may be, and feel the resolution that comes with getting them out. Thoughts can get so twisted in our own heads. Even the act of saying something out loud can de-energize its momentum. Writing it out can help us see patterns over time or to see how most fears, most problems have such simple but profound roots. And then we can address them, no matter how difficult. It is a start. Thoughts can be destructive and I have found that journaling helps me turn them into constructive tools for change.

So, why did I stop journaling? It doesn’t really matter.

The important thing is that I start again. To make it a habit once again. Once upon a time it was without thought that I would reach for a journal and I left them everywhere for convenience. I want to return to these habits. They were healthy and helped me immensely. So, today, I will set aside 20 minutes to journal. Just 20. And if I have nothing to write about, I will recruit some help from some various programs I have found online. I will share my progress…some leads…some writing tips as this progresses.

Here’s to the power of writing and good habits!

One step removed…

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009

“We cannot rise higher than our thought of ourselves.” — Orison Swett Marden

We are all just one step removed from that which we hate, that which we have no control over, that which we are afraid. It behooves us to pay attention to the way we treat people. Are we so willing to discard people because we feel we are discardable? Do we ignore the starving because we are afraid we might starve one day lest we avoid the poor? Do we believe they deserve such fate? Who amongst us would starve by choice? What drives us to ignore those in need? What drives us to abandon those we love? Are we so accustomed to a disposable lifestyle that we believe even people are so easily replaced?

I believe we are all just one step removed from poverty…from being a scoundrel…from being a hero…from being left behind…from leaving another behind. It is not just our actions–our good or bad deeds–that separates us but our thoughts and happenstance. It is our social constructs. It is so many things and we are capable of great good and great bad.

Which will you choose today? And tomorrow? Who can tell?

Think twice before you make hasty decisions. Think twice before you walk past a person starving, begging for your spare change. Think twice before watching a family go hungry. Think twice before firing 2,000 employees in lieu of trimming the salary of the top executives. Think twice before cheating on your lover–be honest with them, it may do you both good.

I once saw a group of people giving out hugs in the middle of a busy city street. They held up signs and offered to give random strangers hugs. I wish to do just this so often. How many of us really need a hug but don’t say it, or don’t even know it? We are all one step removed from loneliness, from isolation, from sadness, from happiness… from good…from bad… from everything.