Archive for the ‘depression’ Category

Thanks, Rosie!

Thursday, April 25th, 2013

rosie-thomas-456

I read an article in Spinner magazine written by Rosie Thomas and it brought me to tears. Here is a piece of it,

I felt small and insignificant and embarrassed. “I was so brave once,” I thought, and now I was so afraid. It’s hard to describe to someone what anxiety feels like: I felt like I was invisible and the world around me looked so normal and I just couldn’t find my place in it anymore. Nothing made me feel better — escaping my body would have been my only relief — so all I could do was endure it.

There are times in life when we can’t get around what we are going through, when there aren’t any side roads or backdoor exits or short cuts, and all we can do is get through it. I think of fishermen on a boat when the storm is coming — it’s too late to turn back, so all they can do is hope for the best, tie everything down and pray that they endure.

My anxiety was with me all day long. I would wake up with fear and panic in the early morning and it just never went away.

You can read the whole thing here.

I have felt this way.

I feel this way right now. It has been such a strange few years. I just sort of lost myself in this dark isolated place within my own mind. And if I had a nickel for every time I’ve thought, “I was so brave once”… it is almost as if it has become the motto to my self-berating for not being “so brave” right now. I think often we forget how much health can affect us and how, at the end of the day, we must find value in our intrinsic worth, which is not and cannot be tied up with anything we do or anything outside of just exactly who we are…

So, thank you Rosie for sharing this with us and for being so brave in doing so. And for coming back to all of us fans. You are enough, even if you don’t sing again. You’ve touched my life for so many years–I’ve felt so connected to your music, the lyrics. Your voice has soothed me in so many dark hours and celebrated with me in so many happy, sunny ones. Thank you. Really, thank you.

Mr. Blue

Friday, January 14th, 2011

I found the most amazing and relevant song by Catherine Feeney and thought you should hear it.

Mr. Blue by Catherine Feeney

Take me somewhere I can breathe

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010
Take me somewhere I can breathe, originally uploaded by G!L.
I want not to feel trapped,
glued within a story I do not belong…
not one more day.
I want not to feel anchored pathetic
to someone else’s shore,
buoyed in its misery.
I want not to forget…
the contoured belly of hope,
to lay idle blurring into obscurity.
I want not to inhale…
the fetid decay of who I once was,
exhaling despair in every direction.
I want not to pick the carcass of love…
for anything worth keeping…
watching wishbones brittle,
waiting to get the bigger piece,
anything—anything,
to be set free.
Take me somewhere I can breathe,
And I will sing you the sweetest song,
slightly off-key.
************************************

Wave Goodbye by Sophie Madeleine

Nullius in verba

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

“on the word of no one” — Horace

This has always been my philosophy—the philosophy of most thinkers. Like Socrates, I am the gadfly of a deeper truth. I was born with an innate sense of curiosity. You telling me something doesn’t necessarily make it true. I accept no authority of information as THE authority. I am compelled to investigate. And vice-versa my researching something you’ve told me doesn’t mean I believe it to be untrue—it is simply the manner in which I operate intellectually. I have always and will always think for myself.

Moreover, I believe others should do so as well. A little thinking could go a long way to getting us out of the current economic situation we are finding ourselves. Why are we allowing the so-called experts tell us we are in an economic depression that we cannot escape? Was it not other so-called experts who watched idly as we got into this mess through artificial financial prosperity, the hay day for bankers, Wall Street and middle America alike? Why should we accept their predictions, their explanation of reality? Why should we not think for ourselves and improve our situation?

This is exactly what I have been doing. Thinking about what we can do. Here are some of the things I believe will help us get back on track as a nation:

  1. Tax according to our current laws — you will pay more than the next guy, if they you make more as you should.
  2. Place a tariff on all imports from other countries to encourage new industry within our own country and discourage cheap, disposable crap flooding in from other countries while displacing local workers and exploiting foreign children in unsafe work conditions. This will also create extra revenue which we could put back into the economy.
  3. Upgrade the power grids to be more efficient. This will save a gob of money and energy sources while preparing us for the needs of the technology of tomorrow.
  4. Invest heavily in science, technology and alternative energy. We should be able to compete in all these areas. The Chinese said they want to be the leader in electric cars within a year—why should we not give them a run for their money? We already have excellent technology and the capability to do this.
  5. Raise the standard of living in our own country. We as a society are only as good as the lowest rungs within. If the poor feel as if their well-being matters as much as the wealthiest than they will be willing and anxious to help improve our society.
  6. Each of us take what we need and put the rest back into our economy. This means reasonable wages, solid benefits for employees—healthy  less profits for corporations, less waste and mindful consumption all around. No more keeping up with the Jones, no more million dollar wages.
  7. Implement as severe punishments for white collar crimes as for other crimes. When someone robs a mini-mart and takes $250—they go to prison for multiple years. Yet, someone who embezzles 100’s of thousands often escape jail time or get reduced sentences. They should pay according to the crime.
  8. No more bonuses for failing companies. Period. No more bailouts. No more excuses. And the government should put regulations harshly punishing such policies. And if a company is deemed ‘too big to fail’ — it should be split up into smaller companies with new management.
  9. Reduce the number of HB-1 Visas. I know this will be controversial but we can train locally. There are thousands of displaced out-of-work technologically savvy people—why not put them to work?
  10. Accept responsibility but refuse to be the donkey to which all blame is pinned. Insist the rest of the world do their part as well. For example, countries like India and China can work on effective birth control to reduce their excessive population. You cannot expect to properly provide for your citizens if you lack the resources and yet you continue to overpopulate and expect the world to help you. Countries must be willing to help themselves as well. And if two countries are perpetually at war and do not wish to stop being at war, as long as they are not harming other countries, we should not interfere.

These are just some of the things I think about. I think if we did these ten things we could go a long ways towards ending this economic recession and improving quality of life globally. Mostly, I wish to encourage everyone worldwide to think for themselves—to find answers nullius in verba.

Suicide

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

I have always been an unabashed fan of the late poet Sylvia Plath.

I love her poetry, her writing. I can relate to the way her mind worked. They way her thoughts weave into the darkness, reaching out for hope even if she did not ultimately find it. I feel her poems in a way many cannot. It speaks to an all-too-familiar pain.

But no matter how dark and horrible life can be, and it definitely can be, there is nothing after this life. It is simply  nothing. I do not believe in God or afterlife. Once our bodies expire—we are gone. Everything bad and everything good and everything in between ceases to exist. For me, there is far too much in this world to be fascinated with to choose suicide.

Even if the situation you are currently in is horrific and I know it can be unimaginable, suicide is NOT the answer. There are millions of miles of earth, billions of opportunities to explore, trillions of new situations to experience and a plethora of new people to meet. There is just so much more to this life than where you are at any given moment.

This is what keeps me moving forward through the difficult times. And I will not pretend to be anything less than moody. I am a profoundly deep person. I feel things more intensely than most people. I react to them. I am sensitive. I am introspective. I am the quintessential poet. I admit I am melodramatic in my thoughts, in my feelings. But when things gets so dark for me, I try to remind myself to hold onto the vast intrigue, the unread books, the unvisited destinations, the unwritten poetry, the unmet people.

Last week I was re-reading some of Sylvia Plath’s works, admiring her way with words, her uncanny ability to put into words my pain even before I was born. I was thinking how it is such a shame she chose suicide. It is heartbreaking really. I wish I could have known her. I wish we could have had conversations over tea. I wish I could have absorbed some of the darkness surrounding her. She felt there was no escape from her life except death. Unfortunately, she set an example for her children—an example she can never undo.

16,836 days later her son, Nicholas Hughes, followed her example choosing to hang himself in his Alaskan home. He was an intelligent man of science. A marine biologist whose love for fish, fishing and the science of fisheries he inherited from his father. It was this love for nature that inspired him to move to Alaska many years ago. According to his sister he battled depression throughout his life even while passionately pursuing his research. Suicide may or may not be inherited, they are finding some genetic links but most experts believe it is not so much inherited as it is taught through example. Depression is often inherited and whether you are a fan of Plath or not, the connection between her decision to kill herself and his ultimate choice to do so—is connected.

Both Nicholas’ mother, Sylvia Plath, and his stepmother, Assia Wevill, committed suicide during his childhood. This cannot go unmentioned. Depression is difficult to survive. Again, suicide is not inherited but it can be taught as coping tool. Children whose parents have attempted suicide, not just succeeded, are six times as likely to try to take their own lives.1 This is significant. This could not have been what Sylvia Plath wanted for her little Nicholas.

It is too late for them both now, no matter what did or did not contribute to their decisions. Suicide is the ultimate choice for too many. But it is not the only way out of the darkness. Each of us can help prevent suicide. We have the responsibility to do so both for ourselves and others. Suicide affects many people—not just the person considering it—but it is not your only option. If you are suffering from depression and having suicidal thoughts there are other ways out. Get help now before it is too late.

Recognize the signs and symptoms. Know where to get help for yourself or others. If you feel suicidal or you know someone who does you or they can call 1-877-273-TALK (8255).

Here are some other suicide prevention / help links below:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Suicide Awareness Voice of Education (SAVE)

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)

Suicide hotlines in your area (and national hotlines)

  1. http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/editorials/2004-03-10-zinczenko_x.htm []